Monday, March 28, 2011

There's definitely something wrong with Levi

Sometimes I think to myself, "Self (yes, this is totally what I call myself in my head), there is no possible way Levi could ever shock you again at this point." Levi has desensitized me to nearly everything. But just when I think that Levi could NEVER top the *last* bad thing he did, he pulls something out from his sleeve (or from his pants, as it were).

Today, Wyatt comes into my room to tattle on his brother (nothing about this is out of the ordinary, mind you).

Wyatt: "Mom, Levi is doing something terrible. Again."

Me: "I'm sure he is. What is it this time? Is he outside naked?"

Wyatt: "No, he's inside. He keeps pulling his pee pee out and chasing me with it."

(Note: nothing about this is out of the ordinary, either)

Me (walking into the other room): "Levi! Seriously?! How many times do I have to tell you to keep it in your pants! No one wants to see your junk! It's gross! Stop exposing yourself, or you'll be in time out for the WHOLE day."

(Note: Still completely routine)

Levi: "But mom!"

Me: "No excuses, Levi!"

And here it is, people. Here is where Levi managed to leave me speechless.

Levi: "But mom! Listen! My pee pee is a break dancer! He likes to just dance all around all the time, and I just can't control it! See?"

Needless to say, Levi and his break dancing junk are in time out. I sort of feel bad that in 14 years I'll be releasing him out into the world...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Parenting Tips

On the way to school my kids and I listen to the radio. The regular radio... not the Disney station or some annoying version of kids singing pop songs. That's right, my kids go to school singing Katy Perry, and I'm totally one with it. This usually works out fine; mommy stays sane, and sometimes there are some amusing lyrics and dance moves in the back seat. Today could have been a parenting DISASTER (probably) but my mad parenting skills turned it into a teachable moment (this is what I'm telling myself, anyways).

The song "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon came on the radio. I really like this song, and didn't really think much about it. I mean, there aren't really swears in it. I was smacking the steering wheel, totally into the song. I mean, if his sex is on fire, more power to him, right?

Wyatt: "Mom, why is this guys number six on fire?"

Alright, so maybe it wasn't solely my awesome parenting that avoided the disaster, but rather Wyatt's inability to hear vowel sounds properly.

Me: "Because he was playing with matches. Even after his mom told him not to. And now he's in jail and has time to write this song."

Wyatt: "Really?"

Me: "Seriously."

Teachable moments, people. Not only did I avoid the sex talk, I threw in a little fire prevention. I think I deserve a chocolate croissant.